I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
