Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
