true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize