I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
