My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
