i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
