I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
