ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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