Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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