I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize