Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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