How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
