how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
