me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
