I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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