I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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