I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize