Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
