how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize