Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
