Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
