things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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