he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
