T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
