Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
