I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize