She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize