hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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