i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
