"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
