what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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