she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
