How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
