Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
