Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
