just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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