I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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