Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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