: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
