So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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