PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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