Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
