I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
