Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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