he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
