I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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