I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
