his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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