So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
