My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
