Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
