I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
