I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize