just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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