WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize