So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
