turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize