About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
