I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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