Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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