My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
