hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
