woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
