There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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