just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
