I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
