How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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