Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
