I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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