so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
