Dual....:-)
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
