No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This is my gift to your gina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
