Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize