New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
