So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
