YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
