my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
