A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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