just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
