I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
