she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
