I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
