I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
