I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
