We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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