So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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