It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
