True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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