Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
