New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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