Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
