please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
