Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
