if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
