; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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