Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
