my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
