I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
