I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
