Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
