i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
