sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
