I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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