He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
