Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
